Healthy in May, Healthy in December

young women older men

Let’s set the scene: You have a preference for age gap relationships. You’re one of many younger women dating older men, or a mature woman who’s into cougar dating. Maybe you’re one of the growing number of older men dating younger women. No matter your gender or which end of the age gap spectrum you’re on, you’ve finally found a partner who makes your heart skip a beat, and you’re thrilled by the prospect of embarking on a life together. But once the initial honeymoon stage of your age gap relationship wears off, how can you know that the dynamic between you is healthy? Most of the hallmarks are no different than they are for romantic relationships between peers, but there are a few complicating variables. We’ll explore a few of them here, so you can take stock of your partnership and know whether you’re in a mutually satisfying, reciprocal relationship, or whether you need to consider moving on.

Hallmark #1: You can communicate freely with your partner.

This is perhaps the most important feature of any healthy relationship. No matter how well you and your partner get along, it’s inevitable that you’ll hit the occasional rough patch, and when you do it’s vital to know that you can discuss your frustrations and insecurities with your partner and know you’ll be heard with respect and compassion. Take a moment and ask yourself this: When you need to have a tough conversation with your partner, do you walk away from it feeling like you’ve reached a resolution? Do you feel like your partner listens attentively to your troubles and responds with empathy? Do you feel like working through conflict together strengthens you as a couple? If so, these are signs that you’re in a healthy relationship, and that you can trust your partner enough to be vulnerable with him or her. However, if you’re afraid to ever address a misunderstanding with your partner for fear of starting a fight, if your partner belittles or mocks your fears and insecurities, or if your partner downplays and trivializes your frustrations, those are symptoms of emotional abuse and a sign that you should take a hard look at your relationship.

While emotional abuse certainly doesn’t occur solely in relationships beginning on cougar dating sites or sugar daddy/sugar baby sites, the difference in life experience and the relative imbalance of power associated with the age gap can make younger partners in particular more susceptible to abusers. Younger men dating older women and younger women dating older men should know the red flags so they can recognize them if they appear.

Hallmark #2: You share responsibilities and expenses equally.

Especially if you and your partner are cohabitating, it’s important that you agree upon the division of labor and finances between you. If both partners work full-time jobs, it’s unfair that one should be stuck with the bulk of the housework and meal preparation on top of it. Likewise, one partner shouldn’t always be expected to foot the bill for the other. (Exceptions to this rule include sugar mommy or daddy/sugar baby relationships in which the transactional nature of the relationship is made clear and agreed upon in advance.) Ideally, you and your partner take turns doing dishes and taking out the garbage. One of you picks up the tab at dinner this time, and the other gets it next time. Rather than one partner emptying his or her pockets for the other, or tidying up after them like their personal housekeeper, both partners should work together to make a comfortable, happy home for each other. If you find yourself feeling like your partner is more into your bank account than you, or that you’re more of a servant than a boyfriend or girlfriend, it may be time to walk away. Remember, younger men dating older women and younger women seeking older men are still adults, and they still need to do their share.

Hallmark #3: Your partner honors your boundaries in the bedroom.

Kink and BDSM sometimes overlap with age gap and cougar dating. For some older men dating younger women and younger women seeking older men, the power differential between partners is a turn-on that makes for some fun, taboo daddy/daughter or mommy/son age play. But whether kink is a feature of your age gap relationship or not, it’s non-negotiable that your partner should respect your boundaries in the bedroom at all times. If dominance and submission are a feature of your sex life, those dynamics should be negotiated in advance, and consent must always be freely given and received. If you skew more vanilla, the rules still apply: It’s totally permissible to ask your partner to experiment with new activities, but if they aren’t comfortable with it, no means no. It’s never acceptable to pressure or guilt a partner into submitting to sex acts they don’t want. If ever you feel uncomfortably pressured by your partner, that’s a major red flag that you need to reevaluate your relationship. Remember that nobody is ever owed sex!

As you can see, whether you and your partner met on one of many popular cougar dating sites or sugar daddy and sugar baby sites, the rules for healthy relationships are no different for partners negotiating age gaps than they are for anybody else. We hope that this article has empowered you to enter your next age gap relationship prepared to receive the respect you deserve.



5 May-December Romances Challenges and Solutions

The modern society has overcome the taboos against inter-racial marriage as well as inter-religious marriage. In the new era, we have seen tons of successful age gap relationships and many of them finally get married and live a happy life. It is time to accept the May-December relationship. However, there are some challenges that May-December couples can’t avoid. The good news is that there is always solution to the relationship problem; you just need to know how to resolve it.


#1 Friends & Family Acceptanceolder men dating younger women

Older man dating younger women has not always been accepted by the society, it is same for older men dating younger men. If you are 50 and dating a younger woman who is 20, your friends and family, some of them, will feel strange and may say stereotypical things such as “sugar daddies” or “cougars” if the woman is the older partner. When this happens, what you should do is to let them understand the truth that you two love each other and it does not related to money or other things. Tell them you totally understand their concerns because you have thought all possible problems and you have the confidence to address them. Talk about the goodness about the other half and try to let them like him/her.


#2 Hobbies

There will certainly be many different hobbies if the May December couple has a big age gap. It could be a good thing for a relationship but also could be a nightmare if you don’t handle it correctly. You should always listen carefully if your partner has complained your hobby has taken you too much time. That means she/he don’t like it and it may ruin your relationship if you do nothing about it. You can try to talk to her/him about your hobby, explain the interesting part and let your partner really walk into your life.


#3 Kids Plan

To have a kid or not is a big question for May December relationships. Like in a younger women older men relationship, the younger woman may want to have a kid later because she wants to live a free and pleasant life without child burdens, but the older men may consider to have a child soon because he is worried about the health or he don’t want a child because he may already have one in the previous relationship. It’s not that easy to address this issue, you should talk with her/him at the beginning of this relationship. If one partner wants kids and the other doesn’t, you may hear suggestions from consolers or families. Also, remember to be respectful.


#4 Sex

For some reasons, younger women dating older men because they believe that older men have more experience and they know exactly what women want. But this expectation might be higher. As the age grows, the sexual performance might be different. Most people don’t want to talk about it, but it will definitely affect the May December relationship. If sex issues happen, look for a solution instead of ignore it.


#5 Illness

The illness issue actually exists in all kinds of relationships but it is more obvious in age gap relationships. The older partner has more challenges dealing health issues. But there is always a way to work it out. If the issue is minor problem, let your partner continue the normal life and don’t force him/her to change a lot. If you are the younger one, don’t judge her or his health issues. For major health problem, which always can’t be predictable, you may talk about it before you start dating or get married. Ask her or him, are you still want to date or get married if I’m disable in the near future? A big age gap needs to put the illness discussion on a faster track because some issues might become reality sooner than normal couples.